US Supreme Court Confidential

[Leaked transcript of a US Supreme Court conversation between Justices Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas]

A:        Hey Clarence – a word in your ear. 

C:        Sure, Sam. I was wanting to talk to you, actually.

A:        Oh, yeh? What about?

C :        Well – next steps, you know. Working down the agenda from abortion rights. 

A:        Well – that’s where I’m headed too. 

C:        Sure. I’m wanting to protect communities, y’know. 

A:        Ahh….okaaaay. What’s in your mind?

C:        Well, y’all know the wrath of God is mighty – and mighty dangerous.

A:        I surely do, Clarence. I surely do. But we appeased him somewhat….right?

C:        Well, but folk are still so vulnerable, what with spilling their seed into contraceptive devices, boys marrying boys and girls marrying girls and all. I fear for them. I want to rescue them from the temptations. I’m looking to make more rulings.

A:        Mmmmm –

C:        What?

A:        oh – er – mmmmmm –

C:        What – ya don’t think?

A:        Oh, sure. Sure. We gotta get there. It’s just – 

C:        – just what, Sam. We have the agenda.

A:        Oh. Yes, oh yes, we do. But there’s an item higher up the agenda – I mean a more urgent – ya know.

C:        Like what?

A:        Well, like you always say – we have to stay pure in the eyes of the Lord.

C:        Amen.

A:        It’s purity I’m after Clar.

C:        I’m with your beat, Sam.

A:        I mean pure apples and pure oranges, right? Pure chalk and pure cheese – 

C:        Just where are you going with this, Sam?

A:        Well, Clar – the next item on the agenda is to protect racial integrity – the purity of the African American, the purity of the children of the founders, right?

C:        That’s what I’m after – that’s what I mean. Protecting our people – keeping them pure in the eyes of the Lord.

A:        Right, right! So the next ruling we’re after is to end interracial marriage.

C:        Absolutely! Sure thing!

A:        Yes?

C:        Er – ye….

A:        – ?

C:        Wait a moment. Interracial….ya mean Black girls marrying White boys?

A:        There it is.

C:        And Black boys marrying White girls?

A:        Flip-side.

C:        Well, I’m right behind that. Just another temptation. We should put a stop to that. 

A:        – ?

C:        What, Sam? What is it?

A:        Well, Clar – I’m impressed. I have to say you truly impress me. 

C:        But we agreed on the agenda. We’re on the path of righteous cleansing. I don’t mind the order – so long as it all happens.

A:        Er, right – yes. Er – 

C:        Sam – spit it out. Something’s bothering you. I can tell. What is it?

A:        Well, Clar – we all have to make sacrifices to keep the holy war on track. Y’all aware of that.

C:        I’m first in line, Sam. First in line.

A:        Okaaaay….so you get it….?

C:        Get what, Sam?

A:        Clar – you and Ginni.

C:        Me and Ginni, what? Look – I just don’t know where you’re going with this, Sam – you need to be clearer. What’s this all got to do with Ginni.

A:        Clarence – do I have to say it – about your marriage with Ginni?

C:        Say WHAT?! Spit it out!

A:        Clarence – you are in an interracial marriage. If we’re going to push this, you’re going to have to dissolve the marriage.

C:        No we’re not! What the hell do you mean – ‘interracial’ marriage?!

A:        Clarence – you are Afro-Caribbean – Ginni is white.

C:        No I’m -! And she’s – what? I’m wh…??? No – I’m a Supreme Court Justice! That’s what I am – and Ginni – why, she’s a warrior for the Lord.

[silence, staring]

C:        You mean…WHAT?! Are you crazy?!

A:        Can’t be accused of hypocrisy, Clar. 

C:        Hyp…hyp…hypo…

A:        Clarence – what is it?? 

C:        I….don’t….get it….(hiccups – keels over. Murmurs. Lies still.]

A:        Well, all I asked for was a small sacrifice, Clar! I didn’t mean…oh jeez! 

            [Luisiana marching band enters Stage Left. Samuel Alito ushers it out, dons a black cap. Joe Biden reaches for the phone.]

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