[Leaked transcript of a US Supreme Court conversation between Justices Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas]
A: Hey Clarence – a word in your ear.
C: Sure, Sam. I was wanting to talk to you, actually.
A: Oh, yeh? What about?
C : Well – next steps, you know. Working down the agenda from abortion rights.
A: Well – that’s where I’m headed too.
C: Sure. I’m wanting to protect communities, y’know.
A: Ahh….okaaaay. What’s in your mind?
C: Well, y’all know the wrath of God is mighty – and mighty dangerous.
A: I surely do, Clarence. I surely do. But we appeased him somewhat….right?
C: Well, but folk are still so vulnerable, what with spilling their seed into contraceptive devices, boys marrying boys and girls marrying girls and all. I fear for them. I want to rescue them from the temptations. I’m looking to make more rulings.
A: Mmmmm –
A: oh – er – mmmmmm –
C: What – ya don’t think?
A: Oh, sure. Sure. We gotta get there. It’s just –
C: – just what, Sam. We have the agenda.
A: Oh. Yes, oh yes, we do. But there’s an item higher up the agenda – I mean a more urgent – ya know.
C: Like what?
A: Well, like you always say – we have to stay pure in the eyes of the Lord.
A: It’s purity I’m after Clar.
C: I’m with your beat, Sam.
A: I mean pure apples and pure oranges, right? Pure chalk and pure cheese –
C: Just where are you going with this, Sam?
A: Well, Clar – the next item on the agenda is to protect racial integrity – the purity of the African American, the purity of the children of the founders, right?
C: That’s what I’m after – that’s what I mean. Protecting our people – keeping them pure in the eyes of the Lord.
A: Right, right! So the next ruling we’re after is to end interracial marriage.
C: Absolutely! Sure thing!
C: Er – ye….
A: – ?
C: Wait a moment. Interracial….ya mean Black girls marrying White boys?
A: There it is.
C: And Black boys marrying White girls?
C: Well, I’m right behind that. Just another temptation. We should put a stop to that.
A: – ?
C: What, Sam? What is it?
A: Well, Clar – I’m impressed. I have to say you truly impress me.
C: But we agreed on the agenda. We’re on the path of righteous cleansing. I don’t mind the order – so long as it all happens.
A: Er, right – yes. Er –
C: Sam – spit it out. Something’s bothering you. I can tell. What is it?
A: Well, Clar – we all have to make sacrifices to keep the holy war on track. Y’all aware of that.
C: I’m first in line, Sam. First in line.
A: Okaaaay….so you get it….?
C: Get what, Sam?
A: Clar – you and Ginni.
C: Me and Ginni, what? Look – I just don’t know where you’re going with this, Sam – you need to be clearer. What’s this all got to do with Ginni.
A: Clarence – do I have to say it – about your marriage with Ginni?
C: Say WHAT?! Spit it out!
A: Clarence – you are in an interracial marriage. If we’re going to push this, you’re going to have to dissolve the marriage.
C: No we’re not! What the hell do you mean – ‘interracial’ marriage?!
A: Clarence – you are Afro-Caribbean – Ginni is white.
C: No I’m -! And she’s – what? I’m wh…??? No – I’m a Supreme Court Justice! That’s what I am – and Ginni – why, she’s a warrior for the Lord.
C: You mean…WHAT?! Are you crazy?!
A: Can’t be accused of hypocrisy, Clar.
A: Clarence – what is it??
C: I….don’t….get it….(hiccups – keels over. Murmurs. Lies still.]
A: Well, all I asked for was a small sacrifice, Clar! I didn’t mean…oh jeez!
[Luisiana marching band enters Stage Left. Samuel Alito ushers it out, dons a black cap. Joe Biden reaches for the phone.]